Suicidal Threats and Personal Relationships: Implications and Impact
Lea Ann Powers
December 10, 2013
INTRODUCTION
According to Boland and Follingstad (1987) Close relationships thrive on open communication, mutual satisfaction and trust.
When potential life-threatening behavior or communicative violence enters the picture, relationships and relationship status may suffer.
When faced with the knowledge that a friend or partner may be in imminent danger of harming him or herself, an untrained professional may find him or herself at a crossroads: What to do with this information and how to proceed? This paper examines the threat of suicide as a dark communicative behavior and as a possible tactic for compliance and control. It examines perception of motivation for a suicide threat, what the owner of this information (the threatened party) feels they ought to do with the information, and finally what impact this type of threat may have on a close relationship.
Question: Was the suicidal ideation was felt to be a tactic for manipulation, intimidation, or coercive control in a close relationship.
Relationships have both rewards and costs (Thibaut & Coules, 1952)
Successful relationships include expressions of love, support, and affection (Boland and Follingstad ,1987)
Aggression, and hostility, in a relationship are related to lower levels of satisfaction and lower perceived relationship stability. (Godbout, N., Dutton, D., et al. (2009). Therefore, verbal threats expressing self-harm or suicidality, could be perceived as damaging the quality of a close relationship.
The Unidimensional Closeness Scale views closeness as including the other in the self (Dibble, J. L., Levine, T. R., Park, H. S., 2012). According to this perspective, “in a close relationship the individual acts as if some or all aspects of the partner are partially the individuals own and can be experienced cognitively, emotionally, and behaviorally” (p. 565). Close relationships do not necessarily include only intimate partners. Closeness can be felt between friends and acquaintances. Therefore, distress felt by a friend or partner in a relationship and expressed as a suicidal threat, could be perceived as personal distress
Threatening behavior creates greater relationship distress. Threats and hostility during conflict signifies a high likelihood of relationship dysfunction (Woodin, 2011).
REASONS FOR RESEARCH- VALUE
Understanding why people suggest suicidal ideation
Why choose this tactic?
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) collects data about mortality in the U.S., including deaths by suicide. In 2010 (the most recent year for which data are available), 38,364 suicides were reported, making suicide the 10th leading cause of death for Americans. In that year, someone in the country died by suicide every 13.7 minutes (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, 2013). Studying any aspect of suicidality may lead to further positive outcomes for both the threatened and the threatener.
COERCIVE CONTROL
A 2005 study on coercive control acknowledged that verbal aggression and threats (violence) are tools that a perpetrator uses to gain greater power in a relationship to deter or trigger specific behaviors, win arguments, or demonstrate dominance
In the case of suicidal ideation the threatened will experience negative consequences for non-compliance.
The implied negative consequences could be the potential death of the friend/partner. The death of the friend/partner can also be considered a form of punishment, as the threatened may carry guilty of feelings for not preventing a possible suicide.
Strauchler, McCloseky, Malloy, Sitaker, Grigsby, & Gillig (2004) evaluated several Violence Scales that assessed the power dynamics of interpersonal violence considered to be psychologically coercive using The Modified Conflict Tactic Scale. The authors categorized the characteristics of each scale and defined a category by which suicidal threats could be measured. This category included manipulation, (threats, mindgames, property abuse, safe/feelings of fear, jealousy, and suicide).
Shortcoming of this research was the lack of information about emotional abuse and most was centered on physical abuse.
IMPACT OF SUICIDE ON RELATIONSHIPS
Much research has been conducted that outlines the long-term negative effects of threats and coercion. Studies indicate that verbal abuse (threats for the sake of manipulation and control) is a form of emotional abuse and is more relentless and terrorizing then physical abuse. (Queen, Brackley & Williams, 2009)
The assessment, prediction and treatment of the danger of self -harm are responsibilities of trained medical professionals. In a study by VandeCreek and Knapp, the authors acknowledge that, “even after gather an extensive amount of information on the patient, predictions of violence and future violence cannot be made with a high degree of accuracy” (p.1337). If the assessment of real or imagined threatened and violent behavior is difficult for trained professionals, how must a nonprofessional, faced with a threat of a friend or partners suicide, make decisions about how to manage the privacy of the threatener and what course of action should be taken? Suicide is a serious, ongoing, and growing public health issue. In order to better understand the reasons, rationale, implications, and impact of suicidal threats on close relationships the following research question was proposed:
Research Question: What are the implications and impact of suicidal threats on personal relationships?
- a. What did the threatener hope to accomplish by using suicide as tactic?
- b. What does the owner of the information regarding the threat feel they ought to do with the information?
- c. How does the threat of suicide impact a close relationship?
RESEARCH RESULTS
Total Responses: 59
Age
55% of participants were over 50 years old, 21% were over 40 years old, 14% were over 40 years old and 10% participants were over 20 years old. There were no responses under 21 years old.
Gender
62% of participants were female and 38% were male.
Race
93% of participants were Caucasian, the balance of participants were evenly divided between black, Asian, Hispanic, and other race.
Education
45% of participants had graduate degrees, 31% had 4-year college degrees, and 17% had some college beyond high school.
Known someone who attempted suicide
52% participants had a friend who had threatened suicide
24% participants had a partner who had threatened suicide
Number of attempts
Number of Threats
threatened more than one time (2-5 times)- 53%
threatened one time – 18%
multiple threats (more than 5)- 10%
Time Frame
course of days-12%
weeks-18%
months-42%
years-27%
Did you take the threat seriously?
yes 83%
no- 21%
Reaction to the threat of suicide
24 responses. 10 Offered professional help; 9 offered anecdotal help; 11 felt helpless, worried, or angry. 4 stayed with the person.
Responsible for the threats
44% did not feel responsible for the threat, 55% did feel responsible (this question could have been asked in a more direct way. Did you feel responsible for the outcome, or did you feel responsible for the cause?)
Feel you ought to do?
7 offered professional help
18 offered anecdotal help, conversation
8 were worried, angry, upset
1 stayed with the person
Comments:
I felt I needed to do something, but didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure what to do. Somehow I felt responsible for his death. I should have made sure that the person stayed in the hospital longer. I started to cry when he told me about this plan. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t think he would… Made my own threats about our marriage if he didn’t seek help.
What do you think your friend hoped to accomplish?
33 participants
24 (72%) felt the person was in pain, was hurting psychologically
9 (27%) participants felt that the suicidal threat was intentionally used to end a relationship, to control me, to make me upset and worried, to gain attention, or to manipulate, to see what kind of reaction they could get.
Why choose suicide?
Most thought this was the only option to a painful situation, 88%.
19% thought it was to get “proper” attention, or to manipulate a situation. One respondent suggested the suicide threat was to get revenge.
What impact did the threat have on your relationship? (33)
18% of participants said having this information actually strengthened their relationship. By disclosing these deep, dark feelings, the friends felt closer.
9% felt that it increased their awareness and made them more attuned to their friend. This group did not disclose if the information caused them greater distress or not, however, holding this type of information would seem to increase responsibility for a friend’s well-being, so potentially, this group could be included in statistics that showed damage to their relationship
27% felt that the information had no effect on their relationship- it did not cause positive, nor negative repercussions
52% did indicate that the suicidal suggestion damaged their friendship/relationship.
Comments:
The relationship felt strained, we’ve distanced ourselves from each other, anger, sadness, exhaustion, added fear, stressed me out, I was on edge, scared, my son died.
Have you ever used the threat of suicide to get something that you wanted?
39 responses, only one person said “yes”
Reason, I used it as a cry for help, for attention. Didn’t know what else to do.
(Raised as a Christian, threat of everlasting hell can be a huge deterrent)
Comments:
People use “I’m suicidal” to get attention and to be hospitalized. They learn to work the system.
Knowing that someone has suggested this is very painful and worrisome.
People who threaten suicide should be taken seriously.